Fear

Getting diagnosed is a traumatic event. A million things rush through your mind. Am I going to die? Can I enjoy my life the way it is? Will I have to quit school or my job? Can I drink? Okay, the last one was mine because I felt like I needed a shot of vodka (or two) in the moment.

But, one thing I didn’t think about was, how will my family and friends react? Will they be supportive? Will they brush it off?

There were mixed feelings. Some people were insanely supportive. They would constantly check-in on me to see how I was feeling or what they could do for me. Others really questioned and denied what I was going through. “It must be a misdiagnosis” “Did you get a second opinion?” “Pray to God” “You just need to get out of bed and exercise”

At first, this irritated me. How could anyone doubt my illness? Trust me, I would give anything to never feel this way. I wouldn’t wish this disease on anyone—even my worst enemy. Yet, they did.

After months of reflecting and thinking—a la Carrie Bradshaw—I realized that I could not be mad at them. I couldn’t be angry because this was fear. Fear of the unknown.

Let’s be real. Lupus is not a well-known disease. You mention cancer, diabetes, heart disease—people know those. Lupus is quite complex because it’s an invisible illness. You don’t see the effects, pain, or discomfort. You see the person you have always seen and they don’t look a bit different.

Now, if you’re like me, you must be thinking, “Why are they afraid?! This is happening to me not them!” But that couldn’t be more wrong. Imagine your best friend, sister, daughter, or girlfriend suddenly became ill, how would you react? Now, imagine that same person and that illness is lupus. How would you react? Honestly, I would be petrified.

Fear presents itself differently in other people. Some people embrace the fear and face the situation with their chin up. Other people are too afraid and run away from the truth. They try to find other excuses or solutions. You want to be mad at them but truth is, you can’t. Trust that they love you and they are trying their hardest to understand you. So help them. Talk about it. Tell them about your spoons, brain fog, your hip pain, whatever you want to say. But, most importantly, forgive them. They will come around, they always do.

Peace, Love, & Butterflies,

Gladys Marie

*Disclaimer: This applies to close friends and family not strangers that purposely attack those with invisible illnesses…that’s another post for another day. 😉